The AI prompt suggests that I write about "embracing life through resilience"
That's tricky because, whilst I do believe in embracing life, I don't have a lot of time for the generally understood meaning of the term "resilience"
Life can be great: we've survived the ten darkest weeks in the UK due to the winter, we can see the beginning of Spring around us, and there are new and exciting films out (Led Zep and Bob Dylan for me)
But there are difficult and challenging times too: world events, health of friends and family as well as ourselves, and that overwhelming feeling when life feels too much
Yes we all get it from time to time!
And that's why the word "resilience" can be problematic for me
There seems to be an idea "out there" that by doing certain things, or behaving in a certain way, we won't get overwhelmed. Which implies that when we are overwhelmed, it is because we are "not doing it right"
And yet life does happen - so by believing this version of resilience we are, in effect, dissing ourselves
For me the idea of acceptance feels more useful
Acceptance that stuff happens, life gets tricky, things go wrong
And trusting ourselves to feel, to think, to believe
And that includes Trusting ourselves to get proper help when needed
Yes it's about trusting ourselves, not believing a process. This is key. The person who told you what to do so you never feel overwhelmed may very well be right about themselves, but you are not them; you are you, I am me, and they are them!
Someone else's strategies and processes may work for them - so long as they aren't simple following a general process
But they are in their head and not in yours. They know how they feel, and not how you feel
If they are following a general process they clearly are not seeing you as an individual!
The only person who knows how you feel is you - and you may not even dare to allow yourself to feel it. Particularly if you've been told there are strategies to overcome things
You may not want to admit, to the person who gave you the strategy, that it doesn't work for you. That it doesn't feel right to you
This is where Trust comes in - Trust in yourself
Trust in yourself is hard if you've been told not to do so! If you've been told that you need to do things a different way, if you've been told you don't need to feel as you do if you just do .... [whatever the someone tells you to do]
Life is difficult. We can try to kid as many people as we want to, but we can't kid ourselves. It's often our bodies that let us know - illness, stress and brain fog are often the result of trying to do things someone else's way
We know, inside and often very hidden, when things are not right and other peoples strategies may be hindering not helping
And we are often scared to tell them, simply because they sound so very sure. This was studied and written about by Asch in the 1950s so it's really not at all new, but people like to forget (Asch, 1951)
And here is the important bit: They also know that the thing they are telling you to do is about them, not about you. They know
So spend time with yourself.
Don't try to "solve" things. Find someone to talk things through with if that helps - someone who will support your personal growth and not try to tell you what is right or wrong. Someone who will not tell you what to do "because they know best". Someone who will support your personal growth, help you build your trust and belief in yourself. In short, someone who believes in you
The key to all this is accepting that you have agency - you are right about how you feel. And "It doesn't' have to be this way" (The Blow Monkeys, 1987). It may be uncomfortable, taking responsibility for yourself, but you can do it
And the first step is maybe seeing it
Asch, S., (1951), "Effects of group pressure on the modification and distortion of judgements", Groups, Leadership and Men: Research in Human Relations. Carnegie Press. pp. 177–190. ISBN 978-0-608-11271-8
The Blow Monkeys, (1987), "It doesn't' have to be this way", on YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_ra8X_8waA , Accessed 10th February, 2025
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