What is a friend? Is a friend someone you’ve known for a long time? Or is a friend someone you can rely on. Someone you can be yourself with and who you are happy for them to be them self too, even when they are doing something you don’t agree with or like?
I think it would be lovely for it to be the latter all the time. Someone who is there, someone you know you can call on and believe they have your best interests at heart, as you do theirs.
For many of us though it can be the former. We stay friends with people because we always have. We have background. We went to the same school or college, we remember the same events perhaps. Perhaps we can’t remember why we are friends. Perhaps it feels a bit one sided at times - they are friends when they need or want something, but very busy at other times when we need some help.
Reslising what is going on can be painful. Realising that it’s a one way friendship is difficult. Having realised it, it gets even harder.
What do you do?
Do you turn your back on your friend straight away? Or do you carry on being there when they need you and hurting when they aren’t there for you?
Maybe you go for a coffee and try to explain what you feel If the definition you chose at the top was the second one, then a real friend would listen and be there for you. Perhaps even recognising what you are saying and feeling.
Maybe it’s not a coffee. Maybe it’s a phone call or email or text. But if you think someone is your friend it has to be worth a try. If, having said how you feel, it stays one sided or the friendship fades further, that person isn’t really your friend. It’s someone you know and spend time with from time to time. Perhaps someone you knew well and had a lovely time with in the past.
That means you can choose when to see them, given that you know where you stand.
However difficult it is, it’s better than being hurt over and over again when you need a friend and turn to someone who isn’t there for you.